Lucius

It wasn't after all...

I tossed and turned on my bed, feeling the cool metal of my handphone against my cold and clammy palm. I had been waiting for Lucius' reply for the past half hour. My pillow was damp and cold from my tears...

I pushed the buttons on my handphone again. 'W-h-a-t-a-r-e-y-o-u-d-o-i-n-g-?' I typed.'I-h-a-v-e-b-e-e-n-w-a-i-t-i-n-g-f-o-r-y-o-u-r-r-e-p-l-y-.' I continued and sent the SMS to Lucius, with bated breath.After waiting for another hour for his reply, I could take it no longer. This miserable and painful relationship seemed too much for me to bear. It was a slow, grilling mental torture; the thought of Lucius spending so much time with Isabel filled my every thought. A part of me wanted, desperately, to end this ridiculous relationship, but I knew I still loved him and I could never bear the thought of never hearing from him again. I was completely disillusioned.

I dialled my best friend's number from my home phone.

"...Hello?" Jamie's sleepy voice drifted over.

"......." My tears welled up. The warm, salty tears were coming down thick and fast, nearly blinding me. I bit my lip hard, trying to control my sobbing."Ashley, is that you? What's wrong?"

"It's Lucius..." I could hardly bear to speak of his name, the name of the guy I once and still idolised. The one who loved me... or so, I thought.

"What's up with Lucius? It's just been 3 months... What happened?" Jamie implored.

"Remember that night when he confessed his liking for me? He messaged me that night. We were soon sending love messages to and fro... until a month ago, he stopped," I choked on my sobs.

"Initially, I didn't sense that anything was amiss. Not till... a month ago... I received his last message... he would not have as much time for me. He was busy," my voice was barely a whisper.
I paused, the unpleasant memories overwhelming my tired, confused brain.

Lucius had signed up for a Budding Playwrights' Project with another girl in his class. Isabel, the top in their level, was smart, witty and pretty. In fact, I believed, she was the ideal girlfriend any guy would like to have.

They literally spent their after-school hours together, corresponding via handphones, SMSes, MSN... working on their project for the past month...

Just then, the loud, jarring message alert pierced the cold, lonely silence bearing down upon me.

I fumbled for my handphone, a spark of hope surging through me.
'Call me now.' the message read. It was from Lucius.My heart skipped a beat and a lump formed in my throat, inducing this tingling sensation of new found hope.

I mumbled a hurried goodbye to Jamie and dialled Lucius' number with trembling fingers.It seemed like ages before I heard his cold and deadpan voice, confirming my worst nightmare and the unbearable truth that I had always refused to face.

"...I don't like you anymore. Please stop bothering me, OK?!" And the line went dead.

I stared into the mirror, taking in my bloodshot eyes and pale, gaunt face.
It was as if I heard Jamie's soothing voice," Get a life, Ashley! Move on! Lucius isn't everything. He's not worth..."

Perhaps, it was really time to move on...

October 30, 2005