Here's to you.

I had forgotten how to laugh,
You were like a peal of giggles on a clear sunny morning.
I had forgotten how to breathe,
You were a breath of fresh air.
I had forgotten how to love,
You showed me how.

Closure.

"I really did love you," she said, and there was not as much hurt in her voice as finality and disappointment. "But now I've seen that you didn't really care in the first place. I tried to give us a chance, you know? Hoping that we could still be friends or something. You just gave it up... So I gave up on you too."

He stared at her blankly, and there was a pregnant pause for a moment. He attempted to say something, but the words were caught in his throat. She went on flatly, "Yeah. I guess that's it. I was just hoping for closure, and I just had to say all this to you. Thanks for all you've taught me, and all I've learnt? Even though I went through so much pain the past year, I've become stronger."

She waited for him to say something else, a word to hold her back, but he shrugged simply. "If that's it, then goodbye." He replied quite simply, and shoved his hands further into his pockets.

"Goodbye." She brushed past him, and walked briskly onto the pavement. The sun was shining, the sky was cloudless; yes, it would be a fine day. It was a new day, and she would put the past behind.

But I love you.

Sonnet XVII

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

-- Pablo Neruda

just a random thought.

i wonder if there's still a :) after my name in your phone contact.

daring my heart to be brave.

the act of loving someone isn't for the faint hearted.

You hold the universe.

How often have i run away from You,
And how many times You have brought me back.
Loved me
Even though i didnt deserve it.
Unworthy as i am,
Lord, i give my life to You.

Once again, once more.
Take my hand, and never let go.
You know my heart is prone to wander from You,
So take it and keep it.

The passion,
The Spirit's fire,
The longing i had for You.
Fill me once again, Lord.

You alone are my God.

because i cant hold on any longer.

all the feelings that i've been holding back for the past two months. i cant do this any longer. this thing really pierces my heart. you cant see, can you? how much i like you. and i hate myself for acting so sometimes... sometimes, i feel like the only person who can possibly love me after knowing what i am on the inside is Jesus.

i love you too, Jesus. but now i'm so confused, i dont know what i'm doing. or why i feel the way i do. or why this matters so much.