Chapter VII

We debated on the subject of crushes for nearly a week until Gerard had something to say.

“Look, Ariel, I don’t know how to say this… I really don’t,” I could hear his uncertain voice.

“Ah… just shoot!” I was anxious to know what he had to say.

I could sense Gerard’s hesitation. He paused… and then spoke so quickly that I could hardly catch his words. “Do you like me?”

“Pardon?” I wanted to make sure it was not just my fertile imagination running wild again.

“I like you, I really do! Do you like me? I mean, will you accept me?” Gerard questioned me.

“I like you too,” I began, nearly overcome by surprise and excitement. “Alright… okay… I accept you.”

“Really?” Gerard spoke again.

“Yup,” I confirmed my affection for him.

“Okay then… um… that’s all, bye!” his voice seemed so gentle and tender. Everything seemed like a dream: Too good to be true. But it was true…
*****

On Sunday, after Youth Group, Danny, Jamie and I stayed back to practice the instruments for next week’s worship service.

Jamie and I were playing a duet on the organ while Danny was playing the flute this time.

After the rehearsal, we proceeded to the nearest fast food restaurant for a well-deserved break. While Jamie was in the restroom, Danny approached me to declare his feelings and he also asked me if I would be his girlfriend.

I wavered slightly. He was very talented and he could play two musical instruments. Besides, he was in a prestigious school…. And he was sincere!

My mind wandered to Gerard and how he would feel if I left him for Danny. No, I couldn’t do that.

“I’m sorry, Danny,” I said apologetically. “I’m really sorry… I have a boyfriend already.”

“You do?” his eyes widened.

“I’m really sorry…” I looked away, not wanting to see the hurt in his eyes. I didn’t want to break his heart.

“It’s okay, in that case,” he forced a wry smile. “I gotta go.” Danny left abruptly before Jamie returned.

I knew that I had hurt him terribly.
*****

I never guessed that my relationship with Gerard would be short-lived. On top of that, it was filled with more jealousy, hatred, anger and misery than bliss and love.

School reopened. I enjoyed the attention Gerard gave me. He was always looking at me during assembly and hanging around me during free periods as well as break time. We walked to the bus-stop together after school. Sometimes, he would even help to carry my bag.

Yet, on the other hand, I grew jealous when I saw him hanging out with other girls and talking to them. I knew that he did not belong to me… but I could not help my unhappiness.

Very often, in order to spite him, I would speak to the boys from my class and refuse to look at him. However, it did not make me feel any better.

Misery dominated our relationship. Both my parents and my teachers noticed a significant change in my work attitude. Still, I denied anything being the matter when they queried me.

Our relationship did not last longer than three months. We had had a series of quarrels and I was harbouring the bitterness within me when I received a telephone call from him.

“Ariel, do you love me?” I could hear Gerard’s soft voice.

I choked on my reply.

“Do you love me?” He raised his voice just a notch. “Yes or no?”

I mustered all my courage. “Listen, Gerard, I’m really sorry. You know that we have been hurting each other all the time. Ninety percent of our relationship is misery and hatred.”

He was silent.

“I feel that it is meaningless to carry on this relationship because of ten percent of love… So, I guess we should go our separate ways. I wish you all the best… Goodbye,” I hung up on him.

From the moment I placed the receiver down, I never heard from him again.